what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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