3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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