i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
