And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
