I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
