I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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