I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My vagina is officially offended.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
