I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
