One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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