So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
