so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
