on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
