the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
