All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
