Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
