I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
