It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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