did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
