Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
