Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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