I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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