that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
