My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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