How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
