A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
