I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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