woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
