to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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