Me. At least after what I've been through.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
