Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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