Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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