someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
