whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
