remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
