I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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