I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
