i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
