Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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