32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
