okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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