Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
