I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
40s are totally the cure
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
