when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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