you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
