Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
