I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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