so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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