they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
