defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
