Someone shit on the floor
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
