you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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