Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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